👉🏾 FREE online TRE® class on March 8 at 11am PT. Register now to reserve your spot (class size limited).
I began playing piano at age 9. Five years later I could play Beethoven’s Sonata Pathétique from memory.
When I was 14, I studied piano with a renowned University of Nevada-Las Vegas music professor. She only took students by audition. One Canadian boy named Henri spent winters in Vegas just to study with her.
Once a week my mother drove me to the UNLV campus, a few blocks east of the Las Vegas Strip. Instead of waiting the hour of my piano lesson (she hated being inconvenienced), mom dropped me off and drove home.
After my lesson, I’d stand outside, alone in the dark night, waiting nervously for my taxicab. When it arrived, I’d get into the back seat and hug my music books to my chest.
During those cab rides home, I felt trapped and terrified.
Sometimes the driver — always a man — made friendly small talk. Other times he leered at me in the rear view mirror, complimenting my eyes or asking me personal questions like, “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Have you kissed a boy yet?”
One driver delighted in scaring me.
He drove 90 mph on surface streets, zig-zagging between cars. Every time we sped up to an intersection, I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed.
“A yellow light!” he yelled, and hit the gas pedal just as it turned red.
When I started crying, he laughed. “Don’t be a crybaby. I’m gonna get you there in record time!”
I loved playing the piano.
I loved my piano teacher.
I hated those taxi rides.
After a few months I quit piano lessons and stopped playing the piano.
Listening to the latest news from the White House, I feel like my frightened 14-year-old self again. Trapped in the back of a speeding taxi driven by a dangerous, insensitive man.
Proving his power by scaring a child he’s supposed to be stewarding safely home.
Trapped in T2.0 Taxi
I’m not the only one who feels trapped in a speeding taxi right now.
My friend Marjorie can’t stop thinking about Trump 2.0 (T2.0). She can’t stop reading the news, listening to podcasts, watching pundit interviews and late-night host monologues.
Marjorie can’t focus on her work or tend to her relationships. She can’t eat or sleep. She wakes up most nights ruminating about T2.0.
She can’t stop talking about it, either. She dominates every conversation with the latest T2.0 news.
Spending time with Manic Marjorie right now feels exhausting.
My other friend Annie chooses to avoid it all instead. “It’s too much,” she says. “I can’t deal with it.”
She won’t watch the news. She won’t talk about it. When the ambient T2.0 anxiety of overwhelms her, she takes a nap.
Spending time with Avoidant Annie right now feels sad.
I don’t blame either friend for their reaction. Truth be told, sometimes I’m Manic Majorie and other times I’m Avoidant Annie.
Whether we voted for Trump or not, our brains — like our government databases — have been hacked.
We’re all running the T2.0 operating system now.
That, my friends, is by design.
Flooding the (Nervous System) Zone
Trauma psychologist Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory, a framework for understanding how our nervous system evolved — and how to regulate it.
Dr. Porges said:
“If you want to improve the world, start by making people feel safer.”
Contrast that with this quote from Russell Vought, current director of Trump’s Office of Management and Budget:
“We want the bureaucrats to be traumatically affected. When they wake up in the morning we want them to not want to go to work because they are increasingly viewed as the villians. … We want to put them in trauma.”
And this quote from former Trump adviser Steve Bannon:
“All we have to do is flood the zone. Flood the zone at muzzle-velocity. Hit. Hit. Hit. … Every day we hit them with three things. They’ll bite on one and we’ll get all of our stuff done.”
From my vantage point as a trauma specialist, it looks like T2.0 wants to flood the world’s nervous system with chaos and fear — the literal opposite of safety.
As Vought said above, the plan is to cause trauma.
Terrorist organizations use these same tactics. They’re meant to overwhelm us into anxiety and panic (Manic Marjorie) — or despair and shut-down (Avoidant Annie).
When we’re dysregulated like that, our brain’s prefrontal cortex goes offline. We cannot:
- think critically,
- plan strategically,
- make good decisions, or
- take action.
We are, in essence, easier to control and manipulate.
As political historian Heather Cox Richardson explains:
“When we think about the rise of authoritarianism, the idea is to create such confusion and such insecurity among the people that they don’t really know … or understand what’s going on.”
That’s the whole point. When people in power use our own nervous systems against us, they render us helpless to fight back.
My friends Marjorie and Annie prove T2.0’s “trauma flooding” plan is working.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said:
“If you are watching the news right now, and you are feeling overwhelmed … the first order of business is to self-regulate. … It’s important for you to understand that the paralysis and shock that you feel right now is the point. They are trying to induce a state of passivity among the general public. It is of personal importance for you and it is also of political importance to take a breath. That does not mean tune out. That does not mean get apathetic. It means to take a breath first because we are about to lock in and focus.”
Everyone Suffers (except the wealthy)
Now take my friends’ traumatic reactions and multiply it by the millions of Americans affected by Trump’s actions already ….
- Adults who were adopted as infants but born elsewhere worried about being deported to a country they don’t even remember.
- Parents worried about losing accommodations at school for their disabled children.
- Women worried about miscarrying a wanted child and then dying when hospitals refuse to follow miscarriage medical procedures.
- Families worried about losing their ACA and/or Medicaid health insurance.
- Christian congregations and pastors worried about losing funding for their social service programs because they’re not the “right” kind of Christians.
- National Nuclear Security workers — of which my father was one — worried about the nation’s safety.
- Military officers and soldiers worried they’ll be ordered to kill American civilians exercising their First Amendment rights.
- Women who changed their last names when they married worried about losing their right to vote. (Yep, that’s real).
- American taxpayers worried about their social security numbers, bank accounts, income data, and health info falling into the wrong hands. (It already has.)
- Military Veterans worried about losing their VA benefits and federal jobs as they watch fellow vets forced out.
- Farmers worried about losing farms without USAID contracts and ranchers worried about losing livestock to bird flu without CDC support.
- And here’s a personal worry of mine — will my 85-year-old mother still be able to collect her Social Security and my father’s military pension? Will she still get Medicare benefits? Will she be able to afford her life-saving prescriptions?
The list goes on, but I’ll stop there. It’s traumatic enough just reading the above, isn’t it?
No matter where we are on the political spectrum, we’re all targets for this campaign of trauma.
And who do you think benefits from it? The wealthy. (More on that in later newsletters.)
So ….. what the F can we do about all this?
Grounded Grace
I have another friend, Grace.
She’s calm, centered and positive. She’s smart and analytical. She’s self-aware. When we’re together she’s present and focused. Grace listens to me and shares her insights. She’s supportive and funny.
Yes, we talk about what’s happening politically — calmly and thoughtfully. We also talk about what’s happening in our lives (she’s trying to get pregnant, I’m trying to reset boundaries with two family members).
Of my three friends, Grace faces the most danger from T2.0. She’s targeted in at least three ways as a nonbinary person who works in science.
Spending time with Grounded Grace feels wonderful. Energizing. Uplifting.
Resist with Revolutionary Resilience
We don’t yet know if T2.0’s hostile takeover of the government will succeed. Focus instead on what you do know: Has T2.0’s hostile takeover of your nervous system succeeded?
I find it helps to understand our behavior if we understand the evolutionary physiology behind it. Let’s use my three friends as examples.
Manic Majorie reacts to T2.0 with a Fight-or-Flight survival response. Her hyperaroused nervous system responds as if she needs to defend herself or run away from a saber-toothed tiger.
- Adrenalin and cortisol flood her body, making her:
- speak loudly and rapidly
- interrupt others
- pace around and/or gesticulate wildly
- Her heart and respiration rate go up, diverting oxygen and blood to her muscles, making her:
- feel antsy, anxious and panicky
- feel angry and irritable
- act impulsively
- Oxygen and blood get diverted away from her rest-and-digest systems, making her:
- unable to eat
- unable to sleep
- Her prefrontal cortex goes offline, making her:
- unable to listen to others or engage in conversation
- unable to think clearly or make decisions
- unable to focus with her racing, easily distracted mind
Avoidant Annie chooses to focus on nothing T2.0 at all. She’s in her Freeze-or-Fawn survival response. Her hypoaroused nervous system responds as if she needs to play nice or play dead with a saber-toothed tiger.
- Dampening neurochemicals flood her body, making her:
- speak quietly and slowly
- defer to others in conversation
- move very little; make few facial expressions
- Her heart and respiration rate go down, making her:
- feel tired, dizzy, faint
- feel numb, shutdown, depressed, hopeless and disconnected
- unable to take any action
- Oxygen and blood get diverted to her rest-and-digest systems, making her:
- sleepy
- hungry
- Her prefrontal cortex goes offline, making her:
- unable to listen to others or focus on the conversation
- unable to think clearly or make decisions
- unable to engage in the world around her
Dysregulated states like Marjorie’s Fight-or-Flight and Annie’s Freeze-or-Fawn are meant to be temporary. I think of it this way:
⚠️ DANGER!
🤜 REACT!
😌 RELAX…
In the modern world — and especially right now under T2.0 — we tend to stay stuck in the Threat-React cycle above:
⚠️ DANGER!
🤜 REACT!
⚠️ DANGER!
🤜 REACT!
All. Day. Long.
That’s exhausting! And painful. So we numb or distract ourselves to escape that stressful feeling.
That escapism is called “self-medicating.” It’s our way of trying to make ourselves feel safe. Here are common ways we self-medicate:
- Addictions — drugs/alcohol/food/obsessive exercise/doomscrolling/etc.
- Overachieving — always busy, push ourselves beyond our limits, perfectionism
- Underachieving — procrastination is the flip side of perfectionism
- People-pleasing — repressing our own needs/feelings so we can take care of others people
Grounded Grace, on the other hand, practices regulating her nervous system. She spends time in what I call the Window of Kindness — the middle ground between too much energy and and not enough energy.
That gives her the emotional, mental and physical bandwidth to focus on a few of T2.0 things. She chooses the ones she cares the most about, and then decides how best to stand up for those. Meanwhile she tends to her health, her relationships and her job.
Grace’s resilient approach fulfills three fundamental human needs:
- a sense of purpose and meaning,
- a sense of belonging, and
- a sense of personal agency.
Since other people’s nervous systems affect ours, we need more calm and thoughtful people like Grace for the rough road ahead. Practicing emotional regulation is courageous — and contagious!
As New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s says:
“I’m not going to give them my fear. … This is like a monster that feeds on our terror. They eat fear. They sustain themselves on anxiety. I’m not going to give them that. I care about other people. I care about my communities. These people need cynicism. They need apathy. They need chaos. The more we give them that, the bigger they get.”
TRAUMA TIP: Resist with Revolutionary Resilience
In my TRE® classes, I say, “The slower you go, the faster you get there.” The same holds true outside of class.
When we pause and tune inward, we de-clutter our mind and relax our body — that’s emotional sobriety, and it’s the first step to take back our nervous system from T2.0.
I’ll share more resiliency practices and direct actions you can take in the coming weeks. For now, here are a few resilience-building suggestions to tide you over.
Instead of reacting unconsciously, notice your reactions (without judgment):
- Are you reacting like Manic Marjorie?
- Are you reacting like Avoidant Annie?
- Are you reacting like Grounded Grace?
Instead of looking at the news, do one of these:
- Dance it out with a protest song:
- Relax with soothing piano music:
- Watch an inspiring interview:
- Go slow and let go with a song:
- Laugh with a funny video:
- Playing basketball with dogs
- Brooklyn Butt Workout (my friend Darren in red crop-top)
- Rent a Tall White Guy — my sketch comedy group
- Line Dancing — don’t ever assume you’re powerless!
Instead of stressing out, take care of your basic needs:
- Sleep — put away screens an hour before bedtime; read a novel!
- Eat healthy — keep your blood sugar steady with regular mealtimes and whole grains/fruits/veggies/lean proteins/healthy fats
- Exercise — move your body every day; a 10-minute power walk helps
- Connect socially — spend quality time with friends and loved ones talking about something other than T2.0
Instead of bowing to self-proclaimed kings, bow only to yourself:
Remind yourself you’re in charge of your own nervous system (and mind). Every time you pass a mirror do this:
- pause and smile at your reflection 🪞
- say “M’Lady” or “M’Lord 👑
- curtsy or bow to your reflection 🙇🏻♀️
In Closing . . .
While T2.0 feels a lot like being trapped in a speeding taxi, I’m not 14 anymore. I’m not helpless. I’m empowered. You are too.
I’ll be here to support you through these tumultuous times. On March 8 at 11am PT, I’m hosting a FREE online Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE®) class to help you regulate for resilience. Register soon — space is limited.
Until then, Stay Grounded!
Just remember — there is light at the end of the tunnel! It starts with revolutionary resilience.